I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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