So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i now understand why vodka
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
