I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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