i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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