He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
