I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
