He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
