All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
