hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
