At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
