So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
