I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
