Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
