drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
