You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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