Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

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(810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again http://tfl.nu/f45r

Replies (1) Good night (1499) Bad night (450)
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(757): View more from Virginia

If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

(269): View more from Michigan

Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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(757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z

Replies (13) Good night (2422) Bad night (714)
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(512): View more from Texas

Did yall have sex?

(214): View more from Texas

Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?

(512): View more from Texas

Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen

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(512): Did yall have sex? (214): Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count? (512): Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen http://tfl.nu/ro48

Replies (27) Good night (3757) Bad night (777)
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(347): View more from New York

tell your sister to shave her snatch

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(347): tell your sister to shave her snatch http://tfl.nu/u0ig

Replies (17) Good night (1208) Bad night (3307)
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(951): View more from California

now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.

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(951): now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria. http://tfl.nu/9jm0

Replies (29) Good night (650) Bad night (6372)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot

(313): View more from Michigan

He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all

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(313): I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot (313): He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all http://tfl.nu/6st3

Replies (23) Good night (7698) Bad night (858)
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(650): View more from California

Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

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(650): Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human http://tfl.nu/6fr0

Replies (4) Good night (2594) Bad night (1208)
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(914): View more from New York

He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

(914): View more from New York

Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

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(914): He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List (914): Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired) http://tfl.nu/bfp9

Replies (28) Good night (1782) Bad night (856)
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(707): View more from California

I wish your snatch was here

(443): View more from Maryland

If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

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(707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8

Replies (12) Good night (1637) Bad night (594)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

No more weed for you

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(978): We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal (717): No more weed for you http://tfl.nu/rrjq

Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (204)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"

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(612): Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing" http://tfl.nu/gmpq

Replies (3) Good night (338) Bad night (232)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?

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(304): Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis? http://tfl.nu/2x4t

Replies (6) Good night (803) Bad night (211)
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(706): View more from Georgia

But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.

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(706): But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it. http://tfl.nu/x7s2

Replies (1) Good night (243) Bad night (483)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was

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(630): He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was http://tfl.nu/qjtz

Replies (4) Good night (190) Bad night (650)
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(765): View more from Indiana

Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"

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(765): Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load" http://tfl.nu/71u8

Replies (4) Good night (265) Bad night (1094)

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