Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?

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  (302): is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"? http://tfl.nu/82yu
  Replies (13) Good night (2839) Bad night (1053)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.

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  (706): New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie. http://tfl.nu/22gj
  Replies (37) Good night (918) Bad night (2794)
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  (415): View more from California

  So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

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  (415): So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie. http://tfl.nu/1hr1
  Replies (25) Good night (5992) Bad night (1215)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (7125) Bad night (5688)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...

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  (614): I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice... http://tfl.nu/gtdb
  Replies (7) Good night (2976) Bad night (880)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.

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  (571): she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant. http://tfl.nu/awg1
  Replies (8) Good night (4268) Bad night (1031)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?

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  (614): Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right? http://tfl.nu/mfqu
  Replies (5) Good night (884) Bad night (3232)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.

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  (360): i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident. http://tfl.nu/ming
  Replies (5) Good night (2070) Bad night (786)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...

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  (203): he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first... http://tfl.nu/kho5
  Replies (3) Good night (1724) Bad night (826)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

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  (516): I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in? (1-516): I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift. http://tfl.nu/715b
  Replies (3) Good night (1476) Bad night (582)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids

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  (860): people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids http://tfl.nu/scfe
  Replies (2) Good night (1981) Bad night (458)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.

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  (734): My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know. http://tfl.nu/ov06
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (338)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit

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  (907): who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit http://tfl.nu/vaby
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (494)
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  (408): View more from California

  I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.

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  (408): I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment. http://tfl.nu/3pv3
  Replies (1) Good night (459) Bad night (422)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture

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  (404): I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture http://tfl.nu/cii9
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (374)

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