So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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