ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.