I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub