I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.