get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella