Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this beer tastes like vomit already
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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