Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
