just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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