He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
