My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
