I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
