I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
