I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
