i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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