Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Randomize
