Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
