Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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