and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
