forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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