you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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