he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
