someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
