Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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