Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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