dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
