why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
