My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
