I got chris browned last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
