I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
