brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ladies don't puke and tell
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
