Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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