hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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