I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
