so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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