I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
