i think i have two assholes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
