Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
