so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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