Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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