I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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