Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Come on in and take your pants off
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