i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
