Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
