Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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