I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
