I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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