No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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