i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
