Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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