Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
