i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
