I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
