dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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