Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES