You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just google imaged poop.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.