i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.